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Introduction

My dear daughters,


You all mean the world to me. I am so grateful to be your father, and I want to give you all the best chance to succeed in life. I want all of you to grow up knowing that you can do anything you set your mind to. That nothing is out of reach. Any of you can be a doctor, a teacher, an engineer, a mother, a wife, an athlete, a writer, or anything else you can think of. I want none of you to think you can’t do something just because someone told you to. As girls and later women, you were all born at a unique moment in history, where society itself is moving more towards the independence of women; the acceptance that women can do whatever they want in life. It was not always the case, however. For centuries, women have taken a backseat in society. Most of the time, society has told women that their role is in the home, to raise kids and keep the house clean while the father works.


We can see this throughout history, as women were not able to vote in our country until 1919 (1). It took radical acceptance for women to start to work in fields normally reserved for men, such as the sciences, politics, entertainment, and sports. Take a look at this list(2) to see examples of women who paved the way for more inclusion. Look to these women, as well as countless others, as to how you should act. Never let anyone, man or woman, tell you that you cannot do something because it is not what women are supposed to do. It is with this in mind that I get to the subject of this letter: your parent’s decision not to raise you in the Mormon Church.


The Church and its Current Representation of Women

First, I wanted to give you some background into the church as I grew up in it, served a mission, got married in the temple, and participated for most of my life actively in the church. The basis of Mormonism is pretty simple: After Jesus and his apostles died, his church gradually lost the entire truth and authority of God. About 800 years later, God and Jesus appeared to a boy named Joseph Smith and gave him the authority and truth to restore the true church. This is what I was taught growing up, and while it seemed great, there were always things that didn’t sit right with me. This led me to research more and what I found greatly disappointed me.


Consider this chart(3) of the current church leadership. Notice anything? I count 116 men in leadership of the church, but only 9 women. If you wanted to join a church that represented women well, would you even consider Mormonism after seeing this picture? Just so you know, women have always been woefully underrepresented in the church. Twice a year, there's a General Conference where the church leadership addresses the members. Counting the 4 general sessions (omitting the women’s and priesthood sessions) from last year’s October 2020 conference, women only spoke 2 times, out of a total of 29 speakers(4).


Being a guy, it never really occurred to me how rarely women spoke in conference. I’d be stupid and make jokes about “oh a woman is speaking, time to change the channel” and other disrespectful words I thought were funny at the time. I know I’m not the only one. Throughout my time in the church, I noticed no woman was ever involved in making big decisions for the church and its wards and stakes. To have full leadership and decision-making in the church, you need to have the Priesthood (the power of God). Conveniently, only men are able to receive it. Women are forbidden to receive the priesthood.

The Priesthood

As a guy, receiving the priesthood was a huge milestone. As we grew, we were able to do things such as pass, prepare, and bless the sacrament. When we received the Melchizedek Priesthood, or the higher priesthood, we were able to give blessings of comfort and healing. We could baptize others, and then give them the gift of the Holy Ghost. Other men in higher callings could marry couples for eternity, or lead their ward or stake. Looking back, I was pretty self-centered and didn’t fully consider how women could not participate at all in any of the things listed above. Not until later in life. Realizing how little women can actually do in the church has been eye-opening, to say the least.


Surely the church would have addressed this disparity. Let’s see what the church manual(5) says on women and the priesthood.


“The man holds the Priesthood, performs the priestly duties of the Church, but his wife enjoys with him every other privilege derived from the possession of the Priesthood."


Which privileges are those? I tried to find specifics but was unable to find any besides the one listed for temple ordinances. Just so you are aware, in the temple, the men are separated from the women. Women only perform the signs and symbols to other women. The session is always moderated, of course, by a man. The temple endowment reinforces the biblical story of how God created Adam, then created Eve from Adam’s rib as a “help meet” for Adam, not as an independent individual.


"Women are likewise counseled to honor the priesthood, to be grateful for its power, and to show respect to those who hold it. We are also responsible to support the priesthood."


In this lesson called “Women and the Priesthood”, where it aims to show women how the priesthood can bless them, they are still told to defer to and respect those who hold it. Who holds it again? That’s right, only men. It’s this constant advisement of submitting to the priesthood, to men, that is so prevalent in Mormonism. Your mother and I find it incredibly unhealthy to teach girls growing up that they need to constantly submit to men and their decisions.


"While the father is the leader in the home, “his wife is his most important companion, partner, and counselor”...By fulfilling her role as counselor to her husband, a woman can reinforce her husband’s position as head of the home and encourage greater family unity. "

This lesson continues to encourage the woman to submit to her husband. Sure, she is allowed to counsel and give advice, but it explicitly says that the man is the leader in the home and the head of the household. The woman comes second, and this apparently encourages family unity. We see from this that man and woman, according to the church, are not equals. The man is the head, and the woman is the advisor.

"...She can also strengthen the Church when she supports the leaders in her branch or ward and district or stake. We support our leaders when we accept Church callings willingly and fulfill them faithfully, realizing that a call from the priesthood is a call from the Lord. We can honor the counsel of priesthood leaders—our husbands, home teachers, bishops or branch presidents, stake or district leaders, and General Authorities. We should refrain from criticizing priesthood leaders and teach our children to do the same. Sustaining and supporting the priesthood is more than just raising our hands or saying that we support the priesthood. It is learning, praying, obeying, and serving in a good cause."


In the church, we receive callings from the leaders. Of course, those leaders are only men. What this is essentially saying is that as women, you must do what the men say. Do the calling they ask of you. Always follow what the leaders and your husbands say. Never criticize them. My daughters, I never want you to think that there is anybody who is above criticism. You should always be able to speak your mind, and consider your opinion to be of equal value to anyone else’s. Your voice is just as important as mine, or any other man or woman. I always want to hear what you have to say, and I know from experience all of you are full of great and wonderful ideas.

After seeing how the church, here in the year 2021, views the role of women, is it any wonder why your mother and I decided that this was not healthy or appropriate for you? From this lesson, the church neatly dances around why women cannot participate in the same things that priesthood-bearing boys and men can do, never addressing it, while reinforcing the idea that women should instead follow what the men say, never criticize them, and occasionally provide a bit of advice for her husband. Nowhere does it encourage leading or taking an equal role with her husband.

Speaking of equality, let’s talk about modesty. The church encourages women to dress conservatively, covering their shoulders and making sure their skirts cover their knees. You don’t want to show too much skin! The church says that revealing and sexually suggestive clothing can stimulate desires and actions that violate the Lord’s law of chastity(6). Yet, who’s desires and actions are we talking about here? Is the woman who dresses in a bikini to go to the beach thinking about breaking the law of chastity? Or does she just want to go for a swim? Or are we talking about a man’s desires and actions, where the church is worried a woman dressing in such a way will provoke dirty thoughts in the man?

Growing up as a youth, I distinctly remember being taught in Sunday School that girls needed to dress modestly so that boys wouldn’t think lustfully after them. It was always like that. Apparently boys and men have so little control over their thoughts that girls need to cover themselves. You know what that sounds like? Blaming a rape victim for being raped because her clothing was too provocative. “What do you think would have happened with you dressing like that?” is what I’ve too often heard regarding rape victims. Are men so weak that they cannot control their thoughts and urges? Of course not. Any self-respecting man is in full control of themselves. It’s called choice. The church teaches that it’s important, but it seems like men are unable to control themselves if there’s a scantily clad woman, according to the church.

My daughters, the clothing you wear is an extension of yourself and your personality. Please don’t feel like you need to stifle that because of the inane idea that men can’t control themselves. They can. Most do. You are not responsible for what other people think. Feel free to wear whatever makes you feel comfortable and whatever makes you feel like you. You don’t need to be told what to wear by a church who thinks women must be subservient to men.

I never, ever, want you to think that you need to be submissive to men. You are your own person and are entitled to everything men can get, so long as you work for it. If you’re in a relationship and that boy/man thinks that you should always do what they say, run the other way as fast as you can. Any boy worth your love will respect you, treat you as their equal, encourage you to follow your dreams, and always welcome what you have to say. Anything less and they are not worthy of your time or heart. Always remember that your feelings matter just as much as anyone else’s. Never compromise that for someone who doesn’t feel the same.

Polygamy

Now, I want to address an issue with a church that many have struggled with, including myself even when I was fully immersed in its teachings. That issue is Polygamy. In early church history, polygamy was practiced and was considered as a commandment from God. Men would take multiple wives for themselves, including early church leaders(7) such as Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. The reasons given for this were for all women to be able to get married, since women greatly outnumbered the men at that time, and for there to be many children born into the church.


The concept never really sat well with me though. It always bothered me at the back of my mind that it was just an excuse for men to have sex with and hold dominion over many women. Why were women never given the same thing, where they could have several husbands if they wanted? It was another example of the inequality shown to women in the church, as well as the blatant disregard shown to their feelings. They were commanded to be faithful to one man, yet their husband could have as many women as he wanted. The second prophet of the church, Brigham Young, had over 50 wives(8), for example.


Joseph Smith, the founder of the Mormon church, is said to have had between 30-40 wives, with the youngest being 14 years old(9). Growing up in the church, we were never taught this, only that Smith was constantly persecuted by people stirred up by Satan who did not want God’s true church to be on the earth. Again, my eyes were open when I found this was not the case, that there were indeed legitimate reasons for people being upset at him. Polygamy was not socially accepted in his time, and people were rightly perturbed that a 37-year old man was marrying a 14 year old child. Some will claim that 14 years old was not unusual for the time, however studies show that is not true. In fact, studies show that the average age for women getting married at that time was around 20-21 years old(10).


Joseph Smith also practiced what is known as Polyandry, where he would marry someone else’s wife, even though they were currently married to someone else. Why would they agree to it? Well, the church explains that they may have entered into it with Smith thinking that by marrying him, they felt they would be guaranteed a spot in the Celestial Kingdom(11), or the highest level of heaven.. Today, the church teaches that you don’t need to get sealed to a prophet in order to make it there. So it begs the question. If that is the case now, why wouldn’t Joseph Smith, a prophet, seer, and revelator, be able to say that to these women at the time?

For a church that claims to be unchanging, it sure seems like many things have changed over the years. It also showed me that Joseph Smith, who we were taught was such a good and upstanding man, might not have been that good at all. It showed me that he might have had quite the manipulative streak instead. Indeed, when he revealed to his first wife, Emma Smith, that God had commanded him to practice polygamy and she needed to accept it, he claimed God had told him this(12):

“But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord; for I am the Lord thy God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law”.

According to her belief in the church and in Joseph, she had to accept this new law of polygamy, share her husband with many other women, or be destroyed.

What sounds more believable? That a kind, loving God who’s greatest commandment is to love thy neighbor, would threaten one of his children with destruction for not sharing her husband with 30-40 other women? Or that someone who is good at manipulating others feelings and beliefs would say that to virtually force a believing member and loving wife into letting him have several other wives? It has never sat right with me since I read that bit. It manipulated Emma’s consent and her choice, when we are taught (in the church I might add) that the founding principles of our existence in the church is based on choice and our ability to choose right and wrong. We are taught that Satan wanted to force us to be good and that Jesus wanted us to have the ability to choose. Satan was cast out of heaven, never to receive a body, because he wanted to force us to choose good. Yet in that passage, isn’t God forcing Emma to follow Joseph, unless she wants to be destroyed? I can only conclude that this was just more manipulation from Joseph to get people to do what he wanted.

Thankfully, many members of the church at the time were against polygamy. One in particular, William Law, voiced his opposition to the practice. Now, Law was one of the top leaders of the church at the time. He was the First counselor in the First Presidency, probably second in power only to Joseph. According to Law, Smith had proposed several times to his wife to marry her, claiming it was revelation from God. As any sane man would do, Law was furious and told the members about Smith’s advances on his wife. When Smith learned of this, he had him excommunicated and kicked out of the church(13).

Law would then go on to start the Nauvoo Expositor, a paper with the goal to bring to light the manipulations of Smith regarding polygamy. After its first issue was published, Smith decided to burn the whole printing press to the ground. Rather than face the accusations in the paper, Smith decided to silence Law by destroying his business(14). This led to Smith getting arrested where he was later killed in jail by a mob, infuriated at Smith’s disregard for their laws. Murder is always wrong and those in the mob should have been put away for life. I will always advocate for someone to get a fair trial, including Smith. However, my daughters, I want you to understand that we were not taught this growing up in the church.

I remember all the lessons we were taught about Joseph Smith, how great a person he was, and how he was the Lord’s chosen. The church, as well as Smith, suffered much persecution because Satan did not want God’s true church to thrive. That was the only reason we were given. I never learned about the Nauvoo Expositor until I was on my mission, reading a church history book. We were always taught that Smith was wrongly put in jail by evil men, and that a mob, stirred up by Satan, stormed the jail and murdered Smith because they wanted to destroy God’s true church. There was never any mention of polygamy, of Smith burning down a printing press, or the fact that Smith had a gun smuggled in that he used against the mob(15).

Polygamy, thankfully, was ended in 1890 by the prophet at the time, Wilford Woodruff. Anyone who practiced it after was excommunicated from the church. The good thing is that it hasn’t been practiced for over 100 years. Yet, there is still a dark side to it that is not often spoken of: the practice of spiritual polygamy which, unfortunately, is still practiced by the church today.

Here’s what spiritual polygamy is: say a man was married in the temple to his wife. The wife later died. The man then met another woman and was married to her in the temple as well. According to church doctrine, that man would be married to both women in the afterlife. The current prophet, Russell M. Nelson, is married to 2 women in this way, because his first wife passed away. Of course there is nothing wrong with finding love again after a spouse dies but again, according to church doctrine, Nelson is eternally married to both women. Highlighting the inequality once again, women are unable to do the same. They must first get their previous sealing cancelled before they can be sealed to another man. Sounds fair, right? It’s just more evidence of the blatant inequality and insincerity in the church regarding women, and you girls would be much better off without it.

I feel that if something is true, and I mean factually, objectively true, it would hold up to any scrutiny. The fact that so much of polygamy and its history has been obscured by the church is evidence to me that much of this was not inspired by God. The manipulation of women, the silencing of others who spoke out about the practice, is not something I would ever want to be a part of. I would never want to see you, my daughters, feeling coerced or manipulated into doing something you did not want to do. No self-respecting man would do that. Always know that you can say no, regardless of how charming or manipulative someone can be. It saddens me to say, but I don’t want to raise you in a church where its founder, along with many of its leaders, did exactly this to many women. You are just as valuable as any man, and you don’t have to wait on a man to make your own decisions.

Racism

Did you know, daughters, that black-skinned people at one point, like women, were unable to hold the priesthood in the church or participate in temple activities(16)? Of course we weren’t told about it growing up, but it was very discouraging to hear that the church has a history of racism. The church believes that dark skin first came as a curse upon Cain and his descendants in the land of Canaan(17)(Cain was the first person in the bible to murder, when he killed his brother Abel).


Brigham Young said as much when he said,

“Cain slew his brother.... and the Lord put a mark upon him, which is the flat nose and black skin.”(18)

In the Book of Mormon, the unrighteous brothers of Nephi were also cursed with a skin of blackness(19). It says that this was done to distinguish them from the righteous, and to also make them undesirable.


Thereafter, the church and its leaders have said several things regarding those with dark skin, and how they are lesser people. Brigham Young was very pro-slavery, saying,

“You must not think, from what I say, that I am opposed to slavery. No! The negro is damned, and is to serve his master till God chooses to remove the curse of Ham.”(20)

Another church leader, apostle George F. Richards, in General Conference no less, said the following:


“The Negro is an unfortunate man. He has been given a black skin. But that is as nothing compared with that greater handicap that he is not permitted to receive the Priesthood and the ordinances of the temple, necessary to prepare men and women to enter into and enjoy a fullness of glory in the celestial kingdom [i.e., godhood].”(21)


Apparently, how well-off we are in this life has to do with how valiant we were in heaven before we came down to earth. The prophet Joseph Fielding Smith taught that white people were more valiant and righteous in the pre-existence, and so they were born on earth with great advantages. Likewise, those who were born with black skin were apparently less righteous in heaven and so were born with more disadvantages, one of them being black skin(22).

My daughters, I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with having a different skin color. No one is better or worse off just because of the color of their skin. That is a mean, evil thought. Anyone who thinks that is not only a terrible person, but someone whom you don’t need to bother dealing with. We all have the same red blood, the same DNA structure, the same organs. We are all human. That’s it. Your skin color does not and never should define who you are. Your actions define who you are. After having come across this history of racism in the church, I feel terrible being associated with a church that felt this way. Some might argue the church’s official stance has not changed, because those verses about people being cursed with a skin of blackness so that they would be undesirable are still there in the scriptures.


Your mom is my favorite person in the world. She is so sweet and caring, and does so much for all of us. Her family across the ocean are so fun to be around. We have so much fun with them, and some of the happiest times in my life are when we are all together over there. Can you imagine thinking that they are lesser people because their skin is darker? Who in their right mind would come to that conclusion? I cannot in good conscience raise you in a church where this line of thinking was acceptable not even 50 years ago.


Did you know, according to the Mormon church, that those who married or mingled with those “cursed” with a skin of blackness in the Book of Mormon were cursed as well(23)? If I were in the Book of Mormon and married your mother, I would have been cursed! Interracial marriage has been frowned upon and discouraged for most of church history. Brigham Young, the second prophet of the church, felt that it should be punishable by death(24):


“Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so”

Boyd K. Packer, an apostle until fairly recently when he passed away in 2015, said the following(25) in 1977:

“We've always counseled in the Church for our Mexican members to marry Mexicans, our Japanese members to marry Japanese, our Caucasians to marry Caucasians, our Polynesian members to marry Polynesians. ... The counsel has been wise”.


Well I’m definitely glad I ignored that! Can you imagine me and your mom not being together? I can’t. She is my best friend, my partner, and my life. Without her, we wouldn’t have you! Thankfully,as the years have gone on, the church has softened its stance towards interracial marriage. However, I can’t shake the feeling that it says something about the divinity of a church that claims it receives direct revelation from God, but is always behind the times socially. We see it with polygamy, racism, and currently with the LGBTQ community.


LGBTQIA+ Discrimination

That leads me into the next issue I take with the church. Its stance regarding the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, Queer) community. The fact of the matter is that some people feel attracted to the same gender, or feel that although they were born male or female, they are more themselves as the opposite gender. Or don’t ascribe to any gender at all. This is through no fault of their own. They naturally feel this way, usually since birth. I want to ask you girls, does this affect our lives in any way? Are we unable to do things because a man likes another man, or a woman feels more herself if she identifies as a man? It shouldn’t affect us one bit. Do you think these people deserve happiness? Should they be allowed to live together with those they love?


The church does not think so. They will say, of course, that they love everyone and that all are welcome. Unfortunately, that is not true. Many of the LGBTQ community have been deeply hurt by the church’s stance regarding them. While their stance has softened somewhat, it wasn’t too long ago that homosexuality was considered an absolute abomination and evidence of a decaying society. Spencer W. Kimball, who would later go on to become the Prophet, said as much in his book,The Miracle of Forgiveness. It has an entire chapter to it, entitled “Crime Against Nature”(26).


Imagine your aunt having to grow up during that time. To have no control over how she feels, only that she likes girls instead of boys. Now her leaders are telling her that those feelings are a crime against nature and an abomination. That she is morally deviant and a threat to families everywhere. How devastating would that be to hear from people you trust and depend on for guidance? She hasn’t done anything to anyone, only feels attracted to girls, yet church leaders at the time called those like her incredibly hurtful things. Would you want to be part of such an organization that demonizes a group of people like that?

Thankfully, things have gotten a bit better over the years. The church now states that homosexuality itself is not a sin, but acting on those urges are(27). However, there has still been much turmoil regarding the issue. It was only recently that the church came out with a policy that children of homosexual couples could not get baptized and join the church until they were 18. This happened in 2015. Just 6 years ago. Imagine how isolated and alone many LGBTQ members felt, having a church policy come out saying they were not wanted. In a church that claims all are welcome, and that Jesus loves everyone, there are often quite a few exceptions to that rule.


After much contention and turmoil, that exclusionary policy was reversed in 2019, with the church claiming “continuing revelation”. Yet, if the church were led by an all-knowing God, why would they have put in the policy in the first place if it was just going to be reversed 4 years later? Meanwhile, Utah suicide rates among kids aged 10-17 was at an all-time high in 2018, according to the Utah Department of Health(28). Thankfully such a harmful policy is gone, yet it took its toll.


We used to hang the Family Proclamation on the wall in our home. It was put out by the church in 1995 when Gordon B. Hinckley was the prophet, and we all thought it was so inspired at the time. Most of my family and I felt that being gay was wrong at that time, and I remember making distasteful jokes about gay people as a kid and a teenager. I’ve grown out of that and become better and I hope it shows you girls that people can change for the better. The Family Proclamation claimed that marriage was between a man and a woman and essential for God’s plan(29). It was taken as proof that gay marriage was not only unwelcome, but an abomination before God.


Now, the church says that homosexual feelings are fine, but acting on those urges is wrong. They say that LGBTQ members can fully participate in the church, so long as they live the law of chastity(30). Yet, according to the law of chastity, members can only have sexual relations with their lawfully wedded spouse. Although gay marriage has been legalized finally in the US, the Mormon church forbids gay marriage and considers it a violation of the law of chastity, saying that sexual relations are reserved for a man and woman who are married(31). Imagine telling someone they can be part of the church, but you can only do so by never having a relationship with the person you love. Yet, every time you go to church you see these happy couples and their kids, and you know that in order to reach Mormon heaven, you can never have what they have. How sad is that? How devastated, lonely, and unloved that person must feel. That’s how the church currently feels towards your aunt. Don’t you think she deserves love and happiness? If she fell in love with someone and felt as strongly about them as I feel about your mom, wouldn’t you want that for her? What kind of person would deny her that? The Mormon church denies people that every day.

I want you girls to grow up feeling loved, included and cared for. I want you all to learn to respect and love others from all walks of life, no matter their skin color, gender, or who they are attracted to. One or more of you may grow up and realize you like women and not men. I am here to tell you, right now, that it is ok. You are my daughters, and I want only the best for you. If you find you are attracted to women, or feel like you’d identify more as a man, then there is nothing wrong with that. It is just fine and your mother and I will love you just the same. Never ever feel ashamed for who you are. Embrace yourselves. Love yourselves. Know that we will raise you away from a church that promotes such exclusion, that tells you there is something wrong with you, and only by denying who you are will you be able to heaven. You deserve so much more.

Conclusion

It is this lack of honesty and inclusion, throughout church history, that has made me take a step back and look at the church with a more critical eye. It’s been a very difficult process, because I have been taught otherwise since birth. Carl Sagan, a great scientist and scholar, once said(32),


“One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.”


It took many years of anguish, tears and denial for me to finally come to terms that the Mormon church isn’t what it says it is. I was taught for so long not to question leaders, to only look at church-approved sources, and to doubt my doubts. Many church members would say your mother and I took the easy way out. I argue that it is entirely the opposite. This has been one of the most painful decisions of my life. I am leaving behind a lifetime of identity and culture, of things that I once considered absolute truths.


Would your mother and I have found each other without the church?. Most likely not. Yes, I met her across the ocean on my mission and so without the church, we wouldn’t have happened. But as we grow and evolve in life, we learn to keep the good and discard the bad. I will always treasure the good memories made with friends in the church and how your mom and I found each other. Yet, as we’ve learned throughout this letter and church history, we need to leave behind the bad so that you all may have the best chance to succeed in life. We can’t cling on to a rotten piece of fruit just because it has sentimental value.


Growing up, we were always disappointed when someone fell away from the church, to the point where we wouldn’t want to speak with them anymore. Your mother and I will still go through with our decision, despite knowing we will lose some family and friends that no longer wish to associate with us. So why would we sacrifice that?


The answer is simple. We love all three of you so much. In our search for truth, we found that we couldn’t raise you well in an environment that encourages and has had a history of male superiority, submissiveness of women, the practice of polygamy once here on earth and currently in the afterlife, a history of racism and marginalization of minorities intolerant attitudes towards the LGBTQ community suppressing truth and stifling independent thought.

We want all of you to feel that you can do anything you set your mind to. Go and be an astronaut, a teacher, a doctor, a live-streamer, a politician, whatever you set your mind to! Never feel limited because you are a woman. Never let someone say you cannot do something because you are a woman. Feel empowered. Be critical of information that comes your way, and seek truth from whatever you may find. We want you to grow up knowing that everyone deserves to be loved, no matter how they choose to look, or worship, or who they love. By accepting yourselves and others for who they are, without hurting anyone, all of you will be able to fully achieve your potential.

Always remember that your mother and I love you so very much. By leaving this all behind, we want to empower you to go and live your lives without shame, without feeling like you’re second-rate, and without feeling like you’re better than others. As humans, our goal should always be to leave this earth better than when we found it. This is your parent’s way of trying to make things better. To give you, my sweet daughters, a foundation full of love, respect, and truth. While we will always wish for you to make good choices throughout life, they are yours to make. Our job as your parents is to teach you how to make the best choices based on the information available. It is our hope that this letter helps you in some small way to do that.


With all the love in the world,

Dad

Resources

  1. "19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution ...."https://www.ourdocuments.gov/doc.php?doc=63".
  2. "Pioneering Women Who Changed the World | Reader's Digest." 26 Feb. 2020,https://www.rd.com/list/women-pioneers/.
  3. "View or Download Updated LDS General Authority Chart - Church ...." 22 Jan. 2018, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/church/news/view-or-download-april-2018-general-authority-chart?lang=eng
  4. "Lesson 13: Women and the Priesthood - The Church of Jesus Christ ...."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/the-latter-day-saint-woman-basic-manual-for-women-part-a/women-in-the-church/lesson-13-women-and-the-priesthood?lang=eng.
  5. "Modesty - Gospel Topics - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day ...."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/modesty?lang=eng.
  6. "Plural Marriage in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/plural-marriage-in-the-church-of-jesus-christ-of-latter-day-saints?lang=eng.
  7. "Brigham Young - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/history/topics/brigham-young?lang=eng.
  8. "Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo (churchofjesuschrist.org)."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/plural-marriage-in-kirtland-and-nauvoo?lang=eng.
  9. "Download a PDF - National Bureau of Economic Research. "https://www2.nber.org/papers/h0080.pdf?new_window=1.
  10. "Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo (churchofjesuschrist.org)."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/plural-marriage-in-kirtland-and-nauvoo?lang=eng.
  11. "Doctrine and Covenants 132 (churchofjesuschrist.org)."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/132?lang=eng.
  12. "Wife No. 19" https://archive.org/details/wifenoorstoryal00youngoog/page/n63/mode/2up.
  13. "Nauvoo Expositor (churchofjesuschrist.org) - The Church of Jesus ...."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/history/topics/nauvoo-expositor?lang=eng.
  14. "Martyrdom at Carthage - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day ...." 22 Jun. 1994, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1994/06/martyrdom-at-carthage?lang=eng.
  15. "“Race and the Priesthood,” Gospel Topics Essays - The Church of ...."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/race-and-the-priesthood?lang=eng.
  16. "Moses 7 - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/pgp/moses/7?lang=eng.
  17. "Prophet Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, v. 7, pp. 290-291
  18. "2 Nephi 5 - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/5?lang=eng.
  19. Prophet Brigham Young, New York Herald, May 4, 1855, as cited in Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, Spring 1973, p. 56
  20. Apostle George F. Richards, Conference Report, April 1939, p. 58;
  21. Prophet Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, p. 61;
  22. "2 Nephi 5 - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/5?lang=eng.
  23. Brigham Young, (March 8, 1863.)Journal of Discourses10:110.
  24. Packer, Boyd. "Follow the Rule". byu.edu. LDS Church.
  25. Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, p. 40.
  26. "Gospel Topic: Same-Sex Attraction - The Church of Jesus Christ of ...."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/same-sex-attraction?lang=eng.
  27. "Complete Health Indicator Report - Suicide ...." 5 Jan. 2021,https://ibis.health.utah.gov/ibisph-view/indicator/complete_profile/SuicDth.html.
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  29. "What the Church of Jesus Christ Believes about Same-Sex Attraction."https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/official-statement/same-gender-attraction.
  30. "Gospel Topic: Same-Sex Attraction - The Church of Jesus Christ of ...."https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/same-sex-attraction?lang=eng.
  31. "'If It Can Be Destroyed by the Truth' Carl Sagan Quote - Snopes.com." 23 Feb. 2016,https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/truth-carl-sagan-quote/.